I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
