Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
