Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
