i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
