I feel like abortions should bother me more
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
