You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
