After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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