worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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