Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
