i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
