What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
