I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
