never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
