I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize