Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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