so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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