How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
