she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
