I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
