see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
