There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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