lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
