i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
