I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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