It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
