Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
