my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
