i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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