"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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