This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
