I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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