Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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