yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
