theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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