put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
