So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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