Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
