I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
