:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
did i just pee glitter
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
