Having a random hookup so left but love u
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
