So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
