tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
