Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
