yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
