he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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