Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
