idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize
