6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
