The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
