it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
