I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
