Don't make out with my wife yet
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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