oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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