At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
