I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
