i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
