dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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