please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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