remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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