he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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