It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize