Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
