It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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