Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
