Plan B is the new Plan A
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
