also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
