I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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