Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
