i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
