Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
